‘Things I shamelessly love that I should probably be ashamed of’ #2: dlisted

Now, I’m not normally a fan of celebrity gossip magazines or Web sites. Aside from reading the headlines of Us Weekly while in line at the grocery store or waiting at a doctor’s office and flipping through People, I pretty much can’t stand that form of media. So, why would a gentlemen such as myself have any sort of affinity for a rag blog like dlisted? Well, let me explain…


I was first made aware of dlisted about two weeks ago when former co-worker and good buddy Josh Wigler, who blogs it up at roundhoward and is a massive “Lost” fan, sent me this link about Desmond actor Henry Ian Cusick having a sexual harassment suit raised against him by a former “Lost” crew member. Normally, I’d just be kind of cheesed about news like this as I’ll now look at one of my favorite characters from the show a little askew from now on, but after reading the article I realized that Señor Wigler, who had the link sent to him by his lady fair Emily Fox, had passed me some blogosphere gold—as evidenced by these select quotes…

“Chelsea says Desmond put his face in between her breasts and ‘wagged his head back and forth.’ Um, Desmond, that kind of motorboat isn’t going to get you off that island.”


“Is it wrong that I was a little turned on by the image of Desmond motorboating? Yes, it is. I’m mad that the next time I watch Lost, I won’t be able to fight the urge to push my chest bumps together and rub ’em against the screen. That’s not right.”

After finishing this article, I was intrigued by this style of offensive, no-holds-barred gossip column writing and decided to check out another article. The next post was about two British celebrities I’d never heard of, but the description of the busty Jodie Marsh’s sexual flip-flopping had me chuckling heartily…

“Jodie Marsh, the pristine beauty with a vagina that smells like fresh English roses on a Spring morning, has magically turned back into a heterosexual after “turning lesbian” a few months ago. You know, I think Jodie has always been a fucksexual. Meaning, she will fuck anything: dudes, chicks, back alley rodents, Fanta bottles, discarded turkeyburger meat, futons, sporks, Beta S cartridges, Babybel cheese and (insert everything that exists in the world today here). Jodie is an equal-opportunity fucker. She has a lot of love (and coochie diseases) to give! This is why I will always adore her. I would share a pot of tea and a dick with her anytime.”

It was at this point I added dlisted to my Google Reader and realized why I enjoy dlisted blogger Michael K’s style of writing. Essentially, Michael K is writing the celebrity gossip version of Robert Hamburger’s RealUltimatePower.net. It’s writing that is so bombastic and ridiculous that you can’t help but crack a smile at it’s complete lack of maturity and good taste. Take it from a guy who has read aloud, on multiple occasions to numerous small audiences, sections of REAL Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book about orange cats licking their testiculars and causing people to pop boners, dlisted is cut from the same super-sophomoric jib and will definitely cause some hearty guffawing.

Be warned though, Michael K uploads that site about a bajillion times a day and can clog up your blog reading service. Still, when one out of every ten posts can make me giggle hysterically, it’s worth it for me and deserves to be a shamelessly loved shameful site I visit.

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